The Swamp Camel has managed to land several guest advice columnists' input in this debut of the Camel's Advice Department.

Dear Neo,
       Lately, there have been an abundance of squirrels running around my backyard. Sure, even I enjoy the occasional squirrel, but they've been throwing parties at odd hours of the night and leaving their trash for me to clean up. What should I do?  ---Raymond

Dear Raymond,
         What should you use? Guns. Lots of guns.  --Neo

Dear Gandalf,
         I have a hobbit friend, and every time I go to his house, all he ever does is talk about the weather and eat cheese, drink tea and ale, and smoke his pipe. I keep telling him there's more to life than that, but he says he's perfectly content to sit around eating ten times a day. How can I convince him to become more adventurous and have some real fun?  --A concerned Dwarf

Dear Dwarf,
         It's simple.  Drug his tea, drag him out into the deepest part of the woods, and make him find his own way home.  It works three out of ten times. It's the only method prefered by nine out of ten wizards.  He'll come home (hopefully) a much more adventurous hobbit ready to take on any challenge.  If that doesn't work, you can always resort to cracking the glasses and chipping the plates. At least, that's what Bilbo Baggins hates.  --Gandalf



Dear Will,
         My brother has been acting strange lately.  I think he's going through a mid-life crisis. He just hit his fifteenth birthday.  All he ever does is walk around saying things like, 'All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players,' and 'I wasted time and now time doth waste me.'  It's silly, though this be madness, yet there is method in't.  What should I do to cheer him out of this deep melancholy?  --Ophie

Dear Ophie,
         True is it that we have seen better days, but I think your brother can be cured. I would dearly love to talk to him.  He has good material.  I think we should arrange a meeting between the two of us so that I can jot down some notes on his... condition.  --Will