It’s common knowledge that every once in a while, socks or other assorted garments are lost in the dryer. Where do these socks go? The answer is simple: they go to Sock Land. Where is Sock Land, and what's it like? Read on for the answers to these questions.
     I interviewed sockologist, Smell D. Odor, and he lets the cat out of the sock on the top sock information. "Sock Land is a land of many socks," Odor explained. Odor described Sock Land as a swampy swamp where all the socks live in houseboats and deploy smaller boats for a day’s adventure. Sock Land is completely water so the socks have to be very careful not to get wet. The ruler of Sock Land is Toe N. Heel, a sports sock from a long line of athletic socks. He treats his 32,034,895,709½ citizens with great respect and tries to comply with their every need.
     "Sock Land is the perfect place for a sock to live. Every sock dreams of getting the chance to live in Sock Land. However, the dangerous journey to Sock Land is very dangerous!" Odor told me while he began to eat his cheese sandwich. "The sock must first escape the violent spin cycle of the dryer by 'playing dead'. At this point the dryer mistakes them for a dead sock and places them in the dead sock bin (it’s behind the dryer, most people have never seen it.) Then the sock must fake left, then fake right, and then go left and just narrowly miss the dead sock bin. Then they must follow detailed instructions (for instance: when you come to a fork in the road, TAKE IT!) through the maze of invisible dryer pipes. Finally they arrive at Sock Land: the land where frolicking in the autumn mist isn't in a land called Honolulu (or something like that.)"
     Sock Land is that paradise that every sock hopes and dreams of reaching, but seems to just barely slip out of their fingers. So, next time you pull a sock over your foot, think twice about not talking to it. It may be your last chance to say 'goodbye' or 'I like Goober Jelly!' So, in saying goodbye, I'd like to finish with this, "goodbye."