John Jacob Jingleheimershmidt: His name is not your name, too

     A recent survey of shows that 0% of Americans and Egyptians are named John Jacob Jingleheimershmidt.  The survey reveals that the only known John Jacob Jingleheimershmidt currently resides in Leeds, England.
     “This new information completely nullifies the commonly accepted Jingleheimershmidt theory; in layman’s terms, that his name is my name too,” said an anonymous Yale professor.
     We were able to locate Jingleheimershmidt himself.  He at first declined comment, but later was forced to talk to us after we rang his doorbell for four hours straight.
     “Not a day goes by when I don’t curse my parents for giving me the name 'John Jacob',” he told us.  “My father was named Steve Jingleheimershmidt, but he never got picked on because his name didn’t have the right amount of syllables.”
     Jingleheimershmidt says he’s been forced to telecommute because whenever he goes out, the people always shout, “There goes John Jacob Jingleheimershmidt!”
     “It never gets old,” he added sarcastically.  He also mentioned that he has had considerable trouble telecommuting since he’s a custodian.

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