Taking a Stand

by Jackson Kleester

Issue one: Peanut butter.
Analysis: Rich. Creamy. Nutty. Nothing else is quite like it. Invented long ago by George Washington, peanut butter has stood the test of time, and it is definitely the better for it. I challenge anyone to convince me otherwise.
In conclusion: Peanut butter? Yes!

Issue two: Rap music
Analysis: I've always been a personal fan of rap music. I played the fiddle myself, back in my heyday in Oklahoma. Ever since then, there wasn't a time that a harmonica or fiddle couldn't get my feet tapping.
In conclusion: Rap music? You bet your banjos!

Issue three: My boss.
Analysis: My boss is a complete loser. What more is there to say? He's old and senile and makes outrageous demands of all of us columnists. Also, he smells bad and doesn't comb his hair. He wears the same shirt every day except for Friday (casual day), and he wears the same Hawaiian shirt every Friday.
In conclusion: My boss? Loser for life.

Issue four: Issue three.
Analysis: I will most likely get fired for making fun of my boss, as detailed in issue three. But you know what? I don't care anymore! Someone else can write this stupid column, for all I care!
In conclusion: I hate my job.